When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and a Jacuzzi. 

As they looked around, the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost. 

"It's free," St. Peter replied, "This is Heaven." 

Next they went out in the back yard to survey the championship-style golf course  which the home adjoined.  They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth.  The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" 

St. Peter replied, "This is Heaven, you play for free."

 Next, they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out.  "How much to eat?" asked the old man. 

"Don't you understand yet?  This is Heaven, it is free!"  St. Peter replied, with some exasperation. 

"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. 

St. Peter lectured, "That's the best part - you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and never get fat and you never get sick.  This is Heaven." 

With that, the old man became very upset, threw down his hat and stomped on it, screaming wildly.  St. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.  

The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault!  If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"