Quickie Funnies
After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his
mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow
up."
"That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made you decide to
be a minister?"
"Well," the boy replied, "I'll have to go to church on Sunday
anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to
sit still and listen."
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A heavy snowstorm closed the schools in one town. When the children
returned to school a few days later, one grade school teacher asked
her students whether they had used the time away from school
constructively.
"I sure did, teacher," one little girl replied. "I just prayed for
more snow."
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On Ash Wednesday, congregates at Kilbourne (Ohio) United Methodist
Church were coming forward for the imposition of ashes on their
foreheads. Two-year-old Brenna Wagoner, upset that her mother was not taking her to the altar, was overheard exclaiming: "But I want to get a tattoo just like Daddy's!"
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On vacation with her family in Montana, a mother drove her van past a church in a small town and pointing to it, told the children that it was St. Francis' Church. "It must be a franchise," her
eight-year-old son said. "We've got one of those in our town too."
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A Sunday school teacher challenged her children to take some time on Sunday afternoon to write a letter to God. They were to bring back their letter the following Sunday. One little boy wrote: "Dear God,
We had a good time at church today. Wish You could have been there."
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Bouncing out of her first day in nursery school at Mount Moriah Presbyterian Church in Port Henry, New York, a three-year-old girl gleefully informed her mother: "We had juice and Billy Graham crackers!"
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Rev. David A. Stammerjohn, pastor of Laboratory Presbyterian Church, Washington, Pennsylvania, spent a week at the Synod school with his two children. The school's theme focused on Moses and the Exodus.
When they returned home, his five-year-old daughter excitedly greeted her mother: "Guess what, Mommy. We made unleaded bread!"
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The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could
name. They came up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad raised his hand and said, "Yes, but in those days there were only 13."
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Four-year-old Tucker Jones attended the vacation Bible school at our church. The theme was "Discipleship and Saving Mother Earth." His mother, Trish Jones, asked Tucker what he had learned. He immediately told her all bout "Jesus and the 12 recycles."
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Fred was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his pastor. As the pastor stood beside the bed, Fred's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on.
The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Fred
used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died.
The pastor thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he
slipped it into his jacket pocket.
Several days later, at the funeral, the pastor delivered the eulogy.
He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Fred died. "You know," he said,
"ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure
there's a word of inspiration there for us all."
He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"
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A monastery in the English countryside had fallen on hard times, and decided to establish a business to defray their expenses, such as a bakery or winery. Being English, however, they decided to open a fish-and-chips restaurant. The establishment soon became very popular, attracting people from all over. One city fellow, thinking himself clever, asked one of the brothers standing nearby, "I suppose you're the 'fish friar'?"
"No", answered the brother levelly, "I'm the 'chip monk'".
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